Kindle Cove
by StupidSequel
Summary: Zack and Cody work out a plan to try to put Borders back in business and permanently destroy the kindle, so they strike a deal with a terrorist group, which leads to the Tipton hotel being under a threat.


**Kindle Cove (A Suite Life of Zack and Cody crack fic)**

**AN: Do not buy a kindle. It was your lust for technology and laziness that killed Borders by buying a kindle, costing those workers their jobs and making their lives harder. If any readers of this fanfic own a kindle, I advise you to burn it or microwave it on high for 10 minutes, and purge yourself of that evil in your life, and then read an actual book. 'kay?**

Zack (or was it Cody?) was crying for 2 straight weeks at Borders closing. He did not have enough money to pay for a kindle. He only had 678 dollars. The kindle cost about twice as much as that. There was this one book he really wanted and it just came out. In case you're wondering, he was looking forward to Warriors: Omen of the Stars book 4 ½: the Gender Blender. Borders was the only place where he ever bought the few books he ever read, and they were gone forever. All the major book stores were dropping like people with dyscalculia in an advanced calculus course. All because of the greatest evil the world has ever known: the kindle. He and his twin brother hated the kindle with a passion. So did everyone else in the hotel, except London, who loved flaunting her new kindle like a bodybuilder flaunting his amazing pecs like there's no tomorrow.

"I'm better than you cuz I have a kindle and you don't!" London teased. Cody and Zack (or were they Zack and Cody?) were beet red. They were ready to beat the heck out of her up. But they didn't because 'never hit a girl.'

After watching the Jersey Shore episode of South Park, Zack (or was it Cody?) had formed an idea.

London was so rich, she even had heaven's phone number somewhere in her penthouse, or so Zack (or was it Cody?) heard. Zack (or was it Cody?) snuck into London's penthouse, found the slip of paper among thousands of thousand dollar dresses, and dialed heaven on his Dumbphone.

"Hello. Yeah, I'd like to speak to God."

"Yeah, very funny. Next time, ask for someone who EXISTS!" An angry sounding voice came out the other end. Zack (or was it Cody?) double checked the slip of paper with heaven's phone number on it.

"Wait a minute! That's a 7, not a 1! Sorry, wrong number." He redialed this time, making sure to hit 7 instead of 1.

"Yeah, God? Okay, so you really are God? COOL! Listen, I'd like you to destroy by fire everyone who has purchased a kindle unless they deposit it in the town square near the Tipton hotel in xxxx. I think an 11th commandment is in order." God was sitting in a great white throne. He looked like a monkey with a hippo head, cat ears, and a lizard tongue he would use to catch the occasional fly.

"Why don't we just have God destroy all the kindles himself?" X's twin brother asked him.

"Because he will not undo the mistakes that man made until the day he sets the world on fire, defeating sin forever." Zack (or was it Cody?) was studying the Bible. In the part where it lists the ten commandments, an eleventh commandment suddenly appeared on the page. It read 'thou shalt not obsolete the book by creating the kindle, nor is it alright to purchase a kindle.' It was pointless to include before because it was not relevant to the time of the Old testament or the Older testament. They were now known as the 11 commandments.

"Okay, so now everyone in the world who owns a kindle knows now that they will die by fire if they do not bring their kindle to the town square near the Tipton. Check," one of the main twins thought loudly. Eventually everyone in the world had brought their kindles to a large pile (about 125 feet high) in the town square (London was reluctant because she thinks technology is a second brain, like Spottedleaf). Cody (or was it Zack?) just happened to have Al Qaeda's number in his contact list.

"Yes, Al Qaeda?"

"It's Al Gaydar! Al Qaeda is a mondegreen. Anyway, how can we be of service?"

"We know you like bombing stuff and flying planes into buildings. There is a big pile of kindles near the Tipton hotel in (he told them the zip code, the city, the state, and the street address of the Tipton.)"

"What's in it for us? We don't do favors unless we get to kill a bunch of people."

"Ummm... If you fly planes into the pile of kindles, we will allow you to fly a plane into the Tipton hotel. Deal?"

"Deal. See you there." And then they played the waiting game. Sure enough, a squadron of planes showed up about 13 hours later.

"Oh my God, it's Al Qaeda! They finally came to destroy all the evil kindles!" One of the Al Gaydar members shouted out of the window of the plane.

"We're called Al Gaydar, idiot!" The terrorist organization responsible for 9/11 was not what they pictured at all. Instead of tan people with long hair, robes, and turbans, they were metrosexual looking hipsters who spoke in homosexual sounding accents. One of them was wearing a pink tank top, a purple mini skirt, a nose ring, and a mohawk. And he was a boy. He was kissing some guy who had expensive looking clothes on. They crashed their planes into the massive pile of kindles.

"Serves you right for killing Borders!" Cody (or was it Zack?) shouted at the pile of burning kindles while sticking the middle finger up on both of his hands. Everyone surrounded the pile of burning kindles, singing 'Kumbaya.' After they were done with their little business with the kindles, the terrorists came out of their planes unscathed.

"The reason we call ourselves Al Gaydar is because we are homosexuals and because we have a gaydar. I am detecting humongous amounts of gay in your party."

"Okay, I'll fess up. Me and Cody are dating. We are actually in a romantic relationship with each other," Zack came clean. He and Cody started kissing each other. Mosby and Esteban, and London and Maddy all followed suit with one another.

"The reason we committed the terrorist acts of 9/11 was to warn you that something like this would happen if books ever were to become obsolete. Unfortunately your government misjudged us and thought we were complete monsters, so we thought it would be better to stay far away from your country, thus we could not explain our true motives."

"You may have killed thousands of innocent people in those burning buildings, but at least you had good intentions. Thank you for trying," Mosby said.

"Our pleasure. Now that we killed off the kindles and they are nothing but kindling kindles now, there is something else we have to do now, something you agreed we had to do in return. We will hijack planes and fly them into your precious Tipton hotel, but will not say when. No man knows the day or the hour, none of the members of Al Gaydar know, but the Father alone knows when we will fly planes into the Tipton hotel. We will come like a thief in the night."

"I thought you guys were Muslim," Maddy pointed out.

"No, we're Christian, specifically Mormon," a member replied. His big lips impeded his speech slightly. He then rode a unicycle back and forth while juggling fish. BIG LIPPED AL GAYDAR MOMENT!

That night at the Tipton Hotel...

"I can't sleep cause Al Gaydar might come any second!" London and Maddy were on edge. Mosby vomited due to too much anxiety and fear.

54 days later, the Tipton still wasn't attacked. Much of the Tipton interior was filled with vomit.

"If they're gonna attack us, just DO IT ALREADY!" Mosby bawled. "I'm tired of suffering by fearing the unknown." After a whole 3 months everyone settled down. Zack (or was it Cody?) was feeling optimistic.

"Well, I think the terrorists are pussies. They chickened out! We won! Suck it, Al Gaydar!" Zack (or was it Cody?) flexed his bicep while doing a Joey Wheeler style creepy chin.

"I'm glad I don't have to worry about anything ev-" BOOM! Everyone looked out the window. Al Gaydar had flown a plane through the Tipton hotel. And worse, everyone was above the impact zone. Just when they were about to die of smoke inhalation and couldn't get out because the elevators and stairways were severed...

Everyone saw huge pink tentacles wrapping around the halves of the hotel.

"Jerome!" Zack (or was it Cody?) cheered. "Jerome is my pet octopus. I had him for quite a while. My word, he's gotten so big. He's come to put the hotel back together!" Everyone was able to escape the hotel safely due to Cody (or was it Zack?) having a pet octopus who grew to monstrous proportions to put the hotel back together. Jerome drank up the pool water and sprayed it on the fire consuming the hotel, preventing the hotel from falling down and turning into a mini 9/11.

"You kept him in your pool. So that's why the pool was closed for a while," their mom deduced.

Al Gaydar apologized for the attack on the Tipton hotel, and everyone in the US hailed Al Gaydar as heroes for destroying all the kindles, despite Al Gaydar having caused 9/11. Destroying all the kindles was the one good deed that was able to far outweigh all their bad deeds. They were gonna go to heaven now! Everyone had to read a real book in celebration, and Borders was back in business. Zack (or was it Cody?) was able to finally read Warriors: Omen of the Stars book 4 ½: the Gender Blender. Yaaay! Except he ended up ripping the pages up and instead wait for the Forgotten Warrior, thinking that surely it would be better than that Stephanie Meyer quality piece of rubbish known as the Gender Blender. Suddenly all the people in the Tipton hotel screamed for no reason. One of the screams sounded like the Suicide Mouse clip on YouTube. Another scream sounded like the classic Wilhelm scream. Then static...


End file.
